Doing it Our Way!
I remember the Laverne and Shirley show. The theme song said “We’re going to make our dream come true and we’ll do it our way.” They had ideas of how to get things done. It wasn’t always the best way, fastest way or even the safest way, but they were determined to do things their way. So often those that live in our facilities just want to do things their way.
The decision to move into a nursing home or assisted living is not normally the plan of the individual moving in. Most of the new admissions I interviewed were not happy about being there and had no problem telling me it wasn’t their choice. They expressed feelings of sadness, anger and a sense be being defeated. They felt as if they had no choices left. Their independence had been stripped away. One resident told me “We really don’t have any choices left. You tell us when to get up, when to eat, what to eat, when to shower, what activities to go to and when to go to bed. You even tell us when to go to the bathroom.” If you put it that way, then only choices left are to refuse medications, refuse to eat, refuse to go to activities and refuse to do what the medical staff say they should do.
Grandma B had fallen and broken her hip when she was 96 years old. She was still driving. The month prior to the fall she had “accidently” hit the gas pedal instead of the brake when pulling into her garage. She drove the car right into the living room. It was time to give up the license but she refused. She felt she was still capable of driving safely and everyone has accidents. The doctor told her she would have to pass a driving test in order to be able to drive again after her broken hip. She knew she couldn’t pass that test so she reluctantly gave up her license. She called me one day and with sadness said “my son has sold my independence.” It took me most of our conversation to figure out what she was talking about. She was referring to her car. Several days later she called me again and told me that they had come and picked up her independence. She was now dependent on everyone else and could no longer do anything herself. I assured her that family would make sure she got out. I tried very hard to never say no when she called. If I couldn’t do it right then, I would give her a time that would work better.
The first time I took Grandma shopping after her independence had been sold, she told me she could get me to the grocery store by only making right hand turns. It must have been the look on my face of disbelief, because she got this grin on her face and said I can tell you how. Curiosity got the best of me. Let’s go. Now, mind you, the grocery store is just around the corner from her place. Maybe a 10 minute drive at best. It took us about 30 minutes or more to get there, but we got there making only right turns. Right hand turns mean you do not have to cross traffic. She would also go about 9 am as that was when traffic was the lightest. I learned a lot that day.
I began trying to figure out how to gives choices back to those I was serving. Did you know farm fresh eggs are better cracked into a separate dish and not directly into the batter? Farm fresh eggs may not have been gathered quickly enough and there could be a chicken in it or the egg may have gone bad. I knew the facility didn’t use farm fresh eggs, but they insisted those eggs be cracked in a separate bowl. So we cracked the eggs in a separate bowl to make sure they were fine to use. When we would go on bus rides, I always had a backseat driver telling me where to turn. It wasn’t the way I was planning on going; however, we still reached the destination. We took a group of residents to the Ark Encounter when it first opened in Kentucky. When we got there, they realized the time we set to meet wasn’t long enough to see everything. They wanted to stay an extra two hours. What’s another two hours in the whole scheme of things? We stayed an extra three!
One facility I worked in, we had exercise class every morning. They really loved it, until . . . someone at the corporate office got the bright idea of putting in a café that served flavored coffee, hot chocolate and cappuccino. Corporate thought opening it at 9:30 am would be a good time. Exercise is at 10:00 am. My exercise group went from 20 people to 1. I remember asking Dorothy why she wasn’t at the café. She simple replied, “You brought me in here and I can’t get myself out, so I guess I’m stuck here by myself.” I wheeled her down to the café. We received a visit from corporate office to see how the café was going and he wanted to know why there was no one in exercise class. Exericse was a required activity as well. Nobody wanted to leave the café. This is their home and they let corporate office know they didn’t want to do exercises anymore. We did end up finding a way to do both, but giving them the choice between exercise or coffee was a no-brainer.
One of the “required” activities from the corporate office was going to the county fair. Every facility I have always worked in has gone and I normally would have to go more than just Senior Citizen’s Day. You can only get so many people in the bus and normally everyone wanted to go. Well not this facility. They all hated the fair. Now I’m not a huge fan of the fair myself and I for one will not want to go when I’m in a facility. I found myself trying to convince them they wanted to go. Their excuses were: “We’ve done that for years and we don’t want to go we would rather go on an outing or out to eat. It stinks, it for the kids and it’s hot out there.” This was documented in the resident council minutes and I even did a survey to see if there was anyone that wanted to go. Even my folks with dementia did not want to go. I even asked family if they wanted to go as a volunteer and they did not really want to go out to the fair. I finally took the information to my administrator and explained they didn’t want to go. I was told we had to go because it was required. The residents got together and went to the administrator and informed her they were not going. We didn’t go.
We were planning our holiday events and I asked the residents if there was anything they wanted us to include on the schedule. I suggested having a reindeer come in, special music groups, etc. They asked if they would be allowed to put on a Christmas program for their grandkids. Absolutely. I asked what they were thinking. They wanted to dress up like Joseph and Mary, the Angels, Shepherds and Wisemen. I took one of the programs from our church and adapted it for the residents. I found someone to play the piano for the music and I got some people from church to help me make costumes. We created invitations that they could send out to their families. Of course, like every program you have something that happens. Someone forgot when it was their turn to speak and another resident yelled at them what their lines were. It was priceless. The families had a great time and the kids loved it. The best part was; it was their idea not mine.
Every year for National Nursing Home Week/National Assisted Living Week I would ask what they wanted to do. What should our theme be? I usually would ask 6 months or so in advance so I could get everything lined up. We did themes like “The Wizard of Oz”, Sports themes, The game Clue, Circus, Senior Year, etc. One year my residents asked if we could do a Danielle Steele book. I didn’t even know who that was. I had to look her up. We decided on the book “Jewels”. I actually had to read the book and then put together a fun week. YIKES! I decided to write a letter to Danielle Steele and see if she would send us something special for that week. She sent back an autographed Photo of herself. We raffled that off. They had a great week. Another year, my residents wanted to know if they could do Woodstock. It was going to be the 50th anniversary and they wanted to celebrate. Most of them were not allowed to participate because it was looked upon as Taboo back then. I made sure everyone was ok with this. Several of them came to me a few weeks later and wanted to know if they could have a bra burning party! They were not allowed to do that back then and now they wanted to. I thought what have I gotten myself into. I borrowed a 50 gallon barrel from someone at church. I went to the thrift stores in town and bought a bunch of bras. We ordered candy cigarettes; we tie dyed shirts and had someone paint us a Volkswagen bus on a refrigerator box. The bra burning party was on Friday as the grand finale. Families came in with their own bras. The men even wanted one. They tucked those bras in their shirts and they were smoking their candy cigarettes as they danced up to the barrel, whipped out those bras and pitched them into the barrel. The crowd around cheering for each person as they went up. Of course we had the music blaring by the bands that had played at Woodstock. That was 6 years ago and I still run into families out in town that remember that day like it was yesterday. They pull out their phones and show me the pictures. They always thank me for doing that. I never would have thought of doing that theme, again it was their idea.
I believe the activity department is the department that can help the residents we serve make their dreams come true, doing it their way. We may have to modify some things to make it happen but we are the department to make it happen. It doesn’t have to be something grand; it can be as simple as a bra burning party that doesn’t cost that much money but creates memories worth a fortune. Giving my residents a voice can be attributed to giving Grandma B that extra time needed so she could show me how to get to the grocery store with only right hand turns.
Tammy Point
NAAP Leadership Team 2025
