Independent Living: Creating a Community of Inclusion for the Solo Ager
Active adult and independent living providers are seeing a dramatic increase in the number of Solo Agers entering their communities: individuals who are aging without the support of a family system.
Most people, even those of us who work in senior living, typically assume that blood relatives are the only reliable source of support for aging individuals – because of the moral obligation of being a relative. Most often this is an adult child, or perhaps a niece, nephew or grandchild. But what about those individuals who never married? Those who are only children? Those who are widowed and never had children? Those whose child is no longer living or who lives in another country? What about those who are estranged from their child(ren) or whose family is dysfunctional and/or disconnected? What about those who are members of the LGBTQ+ community who have faced additional barriers due to lack of support or acceptance?
In the generations before the Baby Boomers, the childlessness rate hovered around 10%*, probably due to the natural infertility rate. However, the Baby Boomers have a childlessness rate of almost 20%*, as during their adult years it became more socially acceptable for women to choose a career over motherhood and the birth control pill made this both practical and achievable. Many Baby Boomers have entered or are entering senior living communities without children as support, and our communities are having to adapt our traditional services of dining, housekeeping, maintenance, transportation and programming to include finding or providing support with legal representation, real estate transactions, medication management, shopping for supplies, transitions of care, medical appointments and bill paying/financial decision-making.
Solo Agers are likely to have good networks of friends and acquaintances, people with whom they have shared common interests, hobbies, leisure activities or volunteer service. Their friends rather than their family are their support system, and we have to ensure that they have the opportunity to maintain these connections, for example teaching/promoting the use of social media and other technology for communication, allowing their community groups to use meeting space on our campuses and providing transportation to meet up with their friends at a local café or restaurant. Plus inviting their friends to participate in our special programs, classes and events, just as we would invite a resident’s spouse or adult children.
As Activity Professionals, we must remember that Solo Agers may be uncomfortable with traditional programming around certain holidays or themes; in fact what may be celebrations to some may trigger memories of past trauma or significant sadness to Solo Agers. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Grandparent’s Day elevate the residents who have had these roles and exclude those who have not, or who no longer have those roles. Try to find other ways to recognize these holidays without assigning labels, for example, hosting a baby shower in honor of Mother’s Day for a local shelter or non-profit that supports mothers and babies.
Even if the holidays aren’t emotionally painful, it may still be difficult for Solo Agers to be full participants in programming unless we specifically plan for them to promote inclusivity. For example, focusing Valentine’s Day events on friendship rather than romantic relationships enables all residents to feel as if they are able to contribute and therefore belong in the group. On traditional holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, our Independent Living dining rooms can be empty except for those who have no family to go to, so create an intimate corner of the space where the few residents remaining can eat family style, or maybe even bring their own special hors d’oeuvres or desserts to share.
Interestingly, the rate of childlessness of Gen-Xers (born between 1966 and 1980) is estimated to be 25-30%. Even as advancements in medicine meant that those who would have remained childless due to infertility were able to become parents, many more chose not to have children. Since Gen-X women are now aged 42+, it seems unlikely that this childlessness rate is going to decrease – and there will be more and more Solo Agers seeking retirement options in the future that are the right fit for their needs, interests and priorities.
*10.9% and 19.8% respectively, U.S. Census Bureau/National Institute on Aging Report, August 2021
Amy Laughlin, CRCFA, ADC, CDP
