Outings – Article 7

Outings have been a passion of mine.  I want to end this series with some of my regrets and some of my highlights. I have watched outings make huge differences in the mental wellbeing of the residents I have worked with.

Vietnam was a very dark time for our country. Those who served in Vietnam came back only to be treated horrible.  Most of them were never thanked for their service and they were called all kinds of horrible things.  I had family members that served during Vietnam and told stories of what it was like coming home.  I’ve also worked with residents that don’t even want to talk about their service because they are still afraid of how they will be treated.  One facility I worked at was next door to a Christian school.  Every year they put on a Veterans Day program and they invited us to bring our Veterans over to the program. I went around and let all my veterans know that we were going to the program. I had a Vietnam vet who had some choice words about going. I decided to take him anyway and prayed he wouldn’t repeat said comments in front of the kids.

Every veteran in the building was asked to come up front and be honored.  They gave each one of us an opportunity to use a microphone to give our name, branch of service, years of service and where we served. I stood beside this resident and when I was done giving my name and information, I passed him the microphone. With tears in his eyes, he gave his name, branch of service, years of service and then he said I’m a Vietnam vet. After everyone had the opportunity to speak, we all got a standing ovation, and we were presented with a pin and certificate thanking us for our service. Several of those in attendance actually came up and shook his hand and thanked him for serving in Vietnam. This man also had dementia, but he remembered very vividly how he had been treated so many years ago.  This was the first time I saw him cry. His comment to me on the walk back to the facility was “That’s the first time I’ve been thanked for my service.”

I had a medically retired cop admitted to my facility. He had severe Parkinson’s and was now confined to a wheelchair.  He had been a part of the FOP in another town.  Due to the circumstances and some lapse in his memory he couldn’t remember where his records were.  His house had been condemned and basically family had only a few days to get it cleaned out so it could be taken down.  To add insult to injury his wife had filed for divorce.  He was very depressed.  This was a really hard time for him and I was trying to work with him to help provide some quality of life. He finally told me the only thing that would help is if I could get him involved in the FOP again. That is easier said than done, which I found out after I said I will take care of it.  I figured how hard can this be? I made a call to the FOP and explained to them the situation.  I was told  I needed his retirement papers, a letter from the FOP that he belonged to before and then he would have to have someone sponsor him to join.  Well, I had no records, no idea where his records were, the FOP where he belonged was no longer meeting, all those that belonged went to other places, and I had no one to sponsor him. And his family was not willing to help me out at all. It took me several months to locate his records and someone who could verify his membership.  I had a couple residents whose family members were cops, so I called in some favors.  Finally in October of that year he was invited to attend an FOP meeting and be formerly invited to join. The only problem was it was at 7:00pm once a month.  I knew once I started this I would have to be committed to taking him every month. Somehow that no longer mattered when I saw the tears roll down his face as he shook hands with those who approved of his request to join. His entire disposition changed after that.

Every year the FOP puts on a program to honor fallen officers.  Part of this program is a march through town. Staff overheard this gentleman talking about how he wished he could participate in the march. Needless to say staff volunteered me to push him in his wheelchair for the march. My assistant dropped us off at the starting point and then took the facility bus to the FOP where the march ended. He was able to participate in this every year while I worked there.

One resident was on hospice and was only given a few days to live.  It was December and I was going around getting a list together of those who wanted to go on the Christmas Lights drive that night.  She overheard me asking and told her family she sure wished she could see the lights one more time before she died. Family came and told me, and I course I said we can make that happen.  The nurse wasn’t as enthused about her going.  They thought it was too cold out there and it would adversely affect her health and could kill her. The family overrode the nurse, and she got to go. She died the next day. The family was so very thankful she was able to go.

I try very hard to make a big deal out of the birthdays of the residents. When I took my residents on an outing, the outing sometimes made me overlook a birthday.  One such outing was a Cincinnati Reds game.  I had completely forgotten to give this resident a balloon and sing to her.  We were on our way home from the game and I heard to say to the person next to her, “This is the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten”.  She thought this entire outing was to celebrate her birthday. I never told her anything different.

The residents loved coming up with places they wanted to go. Some of the residents like to through out crazy ideas just to see what I would say.  One such idea was the inauguration of President, knowing that I couldn’t pull that one off.  We didn’t physically go, but I did get it on the big screen TV and we made it a whole activity.  Another one they threw at me was an Ohio State Game. It must have been the look on my face because they said we are just kidding. I have been to a game and the thought of taking residents gave me a heart attack. Apparently several others heard the suggestion and it was discussed at the dinner table that night.  The next day several residents came to me and said that going to an OSU football game was something on their bucket list and wanted to know if I would try and get them tickets. I love a challenge but this one scared me.  I told them I would see what I could do. I made some phone calls and got some prices and presented to information to them.  I figured the price alone would change their minds.  The cheapest tickets I could get were $80 a game. Boy was I wrong. Everyone of them said lets go and go we did.  We had to be at the stadium three and a half hours before the game because they shut the road down three hours before the game. Ohio State has something they call the skull session. It is where the band practices and the players come through before the game.  Since we had to be there so early, we attended the skull session. It poured rain all the way down and some during the game.  They had on rain coats and didn’t seem to care they were getting wet.  They also got certificates stating it was their first time at an Ohio State Game. It was a very stressful day, but seeing the smiles on their faces knowing they were checking something off their bucket list was worth it.

We had a resident that came to us on hospice for end stage bone cancer.  She was unable to get out of bed because of the pain.  The aides could barely turn her without her screaming in pain. I was doing a room visit with her and she asked me if it was warm outside.  I told her it was. She told me she wished she could sit out in the sun one more time.  The beds are on wheels for a reason, I told her we could do that if she didn’t mind others seeing her being pushed around in a bed. I went and told the DON and we got the staff together to help push her bed outside so she could sit in the sun one more time.

I cannot remember the type of dementia our one gentleman had, but I remember it was a very aggressive type.  One moment he could walk around and talk fine and the next thing you know he was very aggressive and couldn’t stand up.  You never knew when he would have what we called episodes. He was only in his 50’s.  His daughter was getting married, and she wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle. I know a lot of prayer took place the day we took him to the wedding. He was able to walk her down the aisle and had no issues.  He didn’t live long after that, but we were able to help make her day memorable. I truly believe this was also an answer to prayer.

Here are a couple of my regrets.  One year the flu was going around and a lot of people in the community seemed to have the flu.  We did not have an issue in our facility.  The temperature was about 50 degrees outside.  It was the end of the month and the men were supposed to go out for breakfast.  My administrator told me I should cancel the men’s breakfast due to all the flu in the community. The men were mad.  One gentleman was so angry he let me have it.  His comments to me will forever be ingrained in my brain. I don’t think I will ever forget his face or comments.  He looked at me and said “This isn’t fair, we aren’t in prison, we have the right to go out and eat.  I could catch the flu right here in this builidng and die before next month comes and never get to go out again before I die.”  My comment back to him was “You are not going to die before next month’s men’s breakfast.” However, he did get sick and his funeral was scheduled on the day we were scheduled to go out for the men’s breakfast.

The other regret is not taking my Mother-in-Law to the county fair.  My husband was at the fair working in one of the booths. His mom was in a nursing home in a wheelchair.  She had end stage dementia. I went to the nursing home and was taking her out for a walk. She asked me where “he” was.  She couldn’t remember her sons name but knew he wasn’t with me.  She LOVED the fair.  When she was able, she would go every night with friends just to walk around and eat. I explained to her that he was working at the fair.  Her eyes lit up and she said let’s go.  I tried to discourage her. There was some family dynamics and I had been given strict instructions from her daughter that I was not to take her out unless it was for appointments. As we wheeled by my car, mom actually pointed out my car and said let’s go.  She never recognized my car.  I knew in my heart this was probably her last chance to go. I should have just taken her.

I hope this series has been helpful. I have so many stories both good and bad. I truly believe that outings allow the residents to feel they are apart of the community and helps give them quality of life.

Tammy Point NAAP Leadership Team